You need to avoid these phrases and know how to deal with those who use them without realizing how narcissistic they are.
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The world is full of difficult personalities, but there is one that is impossible to avoid: the narcissist. They are usually the most insecure people around, but they manage to come across as ultra-confident.
And that’s where psychologist who studies narcissism, Ramani Durvasula, who is a writer and professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles and founder of LUNA Education, comes into the picture. She is the author of books such as “Don’t You Know Who I Am: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility”. and incivility”) and “Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist”.
“I have found that, in most cases, highly narcissistic people are master manipulators. Their main goal in a relationship is to compensate for their insecurity by controlling and manipulating others,” she said.
Here are six phrases they use all the time — and how to deal with them:
1. “I don’t want to talk about myself, but…”
Statements like this show that narcissistic people know they shouldn’t dominate the conversation, yet they do it anyway.
How to handle it: “If you get into a conversation with a narcissist, be prepared for their story hour. If it’s interesting, listen. You can even treat it like a live podcast. But if you expect a conversation from two ways, look elsewhere,” says Ramani Durvasula.
two. “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Narcissists have a hard time admitting guilt, and this is their classic attempt at an excuse. But it’s actually more of a way to divert attention. With this phrase, they are indicating that their feelings are just their problems and that they will not take responsibility for their behavior.
How to deal with it: “Without genuine remorse, no matter what the transgression was, they are likely to do it again. My advice is simply to disengage. To avoid being hurt in the future, it’s often best to see people for who they really are.” , says the expert.
3. “Why are you doing this to me?”
The narcissist has an impressive ability to turn a situation around and transform himself from aggressor to victim.
How to cope: “You can regain some control of the situation through self-awareness. If you don’t, you’ll end up thinking you’re really at fault. Seek support—from a therapist, if you need it—to remind yourself that you’re not the aggressor”.
4. “I’m a busy person. I don’t have time for this”
“It” could be anything—perhaps you want to discuss a project you’re working on together, or you’re inviting them to a work event. The characteristics of a narcissist are arrogance, lack of empathy and inability to maintain reciprocal relationships. Not only are they unable to understand another person’s needs, they ignore them.
Coping: “Recognize your limitations. Chances are they won’t make time for you unless they need something. These relationships are often the equivalent of going to an empty well for water, so do what you can to seek independent support of the narcissist”, says the expert.
5. “I hope you know who you’re messing with”
Or it could also be, “If you cheat on me, I’ll make your life hell.” This threat tactic and the possibility of revenge is how they create an illusion of power and a sense of fear in you. Most people don’t want to face this perceived threat, so they give in.
How to deal: “This can be upsetting, especially if you’re dealing with someone who has a history of making other people’s lives really miserable. Save all threatening emails and messages. If there’s a real security concern, let us know the police”.
6. “That’s not fair”
Narcissists believe that there should be one set of rules for them and a separate set of rules for everyone else. Whether it’s because a friend’s company is doing great and making a lot of money or they have to pay a penalty because they tried to game the system and got caught, you can expect a speech of “it’s not fair” statements.
How to cope: “You may be tempted to appease them, perhaps out of guilt or to avoid conflict. But doing so will set an impossible precedent. Don’t try to be a person who tries to make life ‘fair’ for them by making unreasonable personal sacrifices,” Submits Ramani Durvasula.
Source: CNBC / Adapted by Homework Writing
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