It may not seem like it, but the word no also means freedom. It’s just three letters and an accent, but that’s a difficult word to say. Even more so when, from a very young age, we are conditioned to submission and passivity.
Take advantage of this reading and stop for a while to think: how many times have you said yes wanting to say no. Was any of them during sexual intercourse?
Have you ever had sex with someone without feeling like it? Have you ever lied that you came without even getting close to pleasure, but were afraid of undermining your partner’s self-esteem? Have you ever been forcibly approached by someone who tried to kiss you, grope you, and yet you felt guilty or ashamed to say an effusive and resounding no?
This text is not to leave you with guilt for all the times you couldn’t say no. On the contrary, I’m bringing all these questions to help you reflect: is there sexual freedom when we can’t establish our limits?
I see that, even in the middle of 2023, videos of women still go viral saying that if your husband wants to have sex, you need to have sex. I think these statements are very problematic, because, in my opinion, a healthy relationship for everyone involved is one in which people have space to do what makes them feel good, always respecting the limits of the other.
A study published at the end of 2022 in the scientific journal Sexual Medicine, of the International Society of Sexual Medicine, pointed out that about 35% to 70% of women interviewed fake orgasm during sexual intercourse.
According to the study, the main reasons were not to undermine the partner’s self-esteem and the fear that the partner would consider her abnormal. What most catches my attention in the study is our predisposition to annul ourselves, not wanting to undermine male pride. Our achievements in recent decades have been countless, but we are still taking care of our partners’ self-esteem. And ours, who will take care of it?
There were many times when I said yes fearing that my no would create a boring situation with the other person I was in a relationship with. In fact, that yes was a huge no for myself and put me in situations of discomfort and submission.
What set me free was information and maturity. Time and self-awareness have been my best friends, but I believe younger women don’t have to wait as long as I did to put themselves first.
Say no without having to justify yourself. You don’t have to be smiling to look like a sweet and friendly person. You just need to respect yourself and protect yourself from abusive relationships that use your silence to keep you dominated.
Behind that yes said when you mean no, there are many pillars of a relationship that will be based on the pleasure of only one person, and that will never be you, but always the other.
Tell me here in the comments what you think of this whole story. I want to talk more about this subject with you.
#unwilling #sex #upset