Let’s stand up against toxic mother relationships

After Drew Barrymore’s recent interview with Vulture, in which she opened up about her relationship with her mother, everyone seems to share her thoughts. Overall, there seem to be so many people who can understand a toxic relationship with a parent, and I’m definitely one of them.

This shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone, but not everyone grows up with an unconditionally loving, supportive, and caring parent. If this shocks you, you’re probably one of the lucky ones to have had a parent like that. As I read what Barrymore said about her relationship with her mother, I felt complete sympathy for her, and I also felt less alone knowing what my relationship with my mother is like today.

I have no communication with my mother and that’s fine!

It’s been nine years since my mother and I spoke. Ultimately she decided to stop talking, but I thought about that for a long time. It turned out to be one of the greatest blessings of my adult life. I knew for years that the day would eventually come, and when it came I was ready for a less judgmental life.

One thing I hate is when someone asks me about my mother, and since I don’t blatantly lie to anyone, I just say we’re not in a relationship anymore, and the response is sometimes judgmental. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard, “But she’s your mom,” or “You two should just hug.” Valid advice (can you sense my sarcasm?)

Speaking about the noise from her neighbors during Barrymore’s interview, she told Vulture, “All her mums are gone, and my mum isn’t. And I think, Well, I don’t have that luxury. But I can’t wait. I don’t want to live in a state where I wish someone would go away sooner than planned so I can grow. Actually, I want her to be happy, thriving and healthy. But I have to fucking grow even though she’s on this planet.”

Well, I’m just stating my opinion here, but I think that people who have a loving, wonderful relationship with their parents might have read this as it was written and found it hard to say. But people who have dealt with toxic parents are probably reading it like she meant it. (Again, I’m not speaking for anyone, just explaining how I perceive this.)

I didn’t read what Barrymore said as she wants to harm her mother. I read this because she desires the freedom not to feel the way she does and without healing the looming memories of her childhood trauma. Or maybe she was speaking out of intense emotion and was caught up in the moment. Who hasn’t been in this position before?

Then Barrymore later said: “I dared to say it and I didn’t feel good. i take care I will never care. I don’t know if I’ve ever known how to completely protect the wall, lock it up, not feel it, but build it.”

This is further proof to me that it is possible to care for someone who has hurt you repeatedly and not want to be an active part of their life and still not be able to harm them. While I wish things were different between me and my mother, I fully accept that it must be so and I wish her no harm. I wish her the best.

Drew Barrymore shared a video on TikTok in which she explains that she doesn’t wish her mother was dead

Barrymore used TikTok to clear up the confusion many seemed to have over what she was saying. Many felt that she wished her mother dead, but anyone in her position understood that that was not what she was trying to say at all.

@drewbarrymoreAN ALL TABLOIDS♬ Original sound – Drew Barrymore

The comments section of her video was filled with support, understanding and love.

“So many of us out here feel the same way, shouldn’t have to explain these things❤️,” one person wrote. Another added: “I understand that more than you can imagine. I understand exactly what you’re saying… I wish none of us would think like that 💔.”

Another follower could also identify themselves. “All my love and hugs to you!!! My mom and I are going through the exact same thing with my grandmother right now. You are not alone, beautiful soul 🥰.”

Why did it get more acceptance when Jennette McCurdy shared her story and titled her book I’m Glad My Mom Died?

With all the outcry over what Barrymore said in her interview, I wonder why it got so much more acceptance when Jennette McCurdy wrote an entire book about her childhood trauma and her mother’s handling of her. She even titled her book “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and it seems like nobody’s paying attention.

I actually bought her book and while I’m still reading it, I LOVE it. I feel a lot less alone than before. And hearing Barrymore talk about her mother and their relationship makes me feel even less alone.

It is so important to be so open about trauma and healing for many reasons. When you feel less alone, you are more open to really digging deep, accepting everything that has happened and starting to really heal.

I commend both Barrymore and McCurdy for being so transparent and saying the things that so many of us have been afraid to speak about for so long. And being open and honest about such things is really therapeutic and aids in the healing process.

As for anyone who doesn’t know how to speak openly about past trauma, be thankful you don’t understand it firsthand and don’t judge how others talk about their experiences and feelings, even famous people with one big platform.